Copyright 2018 - Lecharter

Hitch-hiking to Belgrade

On a very chaotic morning, after few days of chronic sleep deprivation with my butt glued to the couch and eyes to the computer screen, I’m finally off to Belgrade. My mom called to say she put some money on my account, so I’m car sharing with an Italian. I thought to myself, what a better way to spend money than for her peace of mind. That’s valid ’til the border, of course.

I’ve been to Belgrade countless times, which doesn’t mean I can’t get lost. Because if you can choose to be smart and stupid, always choose stupid. It’s good for the story. Two hours, few kilometres on foot and one ride later, I’m at the pay tolls. Quickly, I’m hopping on a truck which police helped to stop. I actually interfered in their little bribe transaction, so that might have helped. The guy was pretty ok, what wasn’t ok for my ungrateful ass was – driving 4 hours instead of 2 ’til my next pay tolls in Niš.

It’s night already

Luckily after 3 minutes a Romanian stops. English? English! Good, you translate for me. Yeah, whatever man, just drive. So that’s how we started our 5 hour journey. We talked about EU, gypsies that build a bad reputation for Romania in Europe and how all of his female high school colleges are prostitutes in Italy now. Apparently in Romania a blowjob costs 5€, while in Italy it’s 30€. Since I didn’t do the research myself, I chose to believe him.

Then he warns me about experiences in Bulgaria. Very often woman is hitchhiking alone, calls her gang who blocks the road you’re passing through and rob you. He had a similar experience. She was suspicious to him from the start, especially after she agreed to take the ride even though he changed directions. Panic started when she suggested they stop and have sex. He was afraid someone would get in the van. So they agreed on a blowjob while he’s driving. She swallowed and it was great. He finished the story.
If he wasn’t super funny in his ways, I would probably shit my clean pants while he’s telling all these crazy stories while driving through motherfucking nowhere in complete darkness. Man, I got a free ride and a free sexual education. You know, Universe is so good to us sometimes.

Until we reached the border. Where we get stuck for couple of hours dealing with paper work for the package of unknown origin. Coming from a transport family owned business, I’m a bad-ass while dealing with the customs and freight companies. I’m also trying desperately to save my skinny ass because my driver isn’t going to the Skopje city centre, which means being left in the middle of the highway.
While getting out of the freight company I realize the van is gone as all of my stuff. I’m running up and down the parking lot. Nowhere to be found. Seriously, FML – fuck my life. But finally I see him leaving, I ran up while screaming from the top of my lungs. Where that energy came from I have no idea, because at this point I’m over exhausted.

He leaves me at the exit for Skopje, at 1 a.m. Surrounded by complete darkness while swearing at myself, I put on all warm clothes I had + 3 bags and start dragging my feet to the pay tolls a mile away. Guys are running out to help, taking my bags and sitting next to me while I try to catch my breath and rest. They’ll hitch me a ride – they say. Oh, God bless <3

Widely known musician, a star of itself – Angelo from Silvi bend is my next and final ride. You so lucky Skinny! Especially when he starts kissing and caressing your hand, making you feel his leather pants while he’s checking yours to make sure you’re warm enough. You know all those benefits while driving 50km/h with a star. In my head I’m screaming – Skopje, gad demit, where are you already? After an hour, I finally see the sign – Lounge Hostel. I’m running out of the car faster than the Romanian prostitute when she sees a truck.

I finally got rid of him and I’m barely making it to first floor. Desperate and dead tired – I’m greeted with the biggest smile by Angela, a Polish volunteer. She offers tea & toast – the first thing I’ve put in my mouth since yesterday. Oh this feels like a home away from home.

Moral of the story?

Hitchhiking will take every last bit of your energy, both physical and mental. It makes you think, makes you creative in finding solutions, you lose that feeling of shame and discomfort, cause you need to survive. You need to get yourself to point B. And yes, you might shit your pants once again when you realize the only person you can rely on is yourself. But you know what happens next? Those little balls you found on the road, just got a bit bigger.

 

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